Friday, July 4, 2008 @ 9:46 PM:
fuck la, what the hell is wrong with me. there are really some things that i really wish i didnt see. cause seeing those filth only makes me disgusted. but also at the same time, it feels like a knife through my heart. probably this is retribution. how i wish i dun get to see some stuff. i feel so fucking angry whenever i see it. you think its funny? well, I DUN FUCKING THINK SO! what the fuck is wrong with people sia. cant they just think of others before they do anything. for goodness sake, its public leh. cheebye. i dunno who am i angry with. probably myself. i hate the things im doing and i hate the things people keep doing to me when i sacrifice my time to go and help them. this always never fail to piss me off so badly. why must they do this. why? as i write this, my heart feels so heavy that i cant breathe properly. imagine the anger i have to keep and have been keeping all this time. am i just a puppet for people to manipulate? it aint fair. i need to scream but i cant. what hurts the most is not the things that i go through but its the things i see. everytime i tell myself to forgive and forget. but yet, it just keeps repeating. FUCK YOU. I TRUSTED YOU. AND THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR TRUSTING YOU. THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A GREAT FRIEND. and now being the kind me, probably will yet again forgive and forget. but one things for sure, it most probably will happen again. i wonder what are the wrong things that i have done. why am i deserving of all this. tell me NOW! fuck sia. keeping it inside only rewound whats already there. you cant tell. but i feel it. its bleeding AGAIN. but i bet YOU DUN GIVE A DAMN RIGHT?! i sound like a wuss now. but you know, it really feels that way. that terrible, terrible feeling of being played. i dunno how to face myself anymore. stupid me. do all this nonsense for the sake of getting disappointment and anger all the time. people say they understand but they dun. they dunno fuck shit. all they say all the time is "i understand la, dun worry, its ok one." "aiyah, nevermind one la" let me settle this once and for all, no its not ok and you cannot ever 'nevermind' this kind of things. people just dun see the seriousness of the problem do they. blatantly shoot my ego as if i like the feeling. i am a man and i admit i have an EGO. you shoot my pride in front of people i really have NO FACE to see them. fuck sia.
FYI im not referring to the person who is in my class now
Fuck, am i pissed off or what sia.
P.S. i finally can return the piece of white cloth that has been hanging for God know how long.
so come on, tell me.