just realised my birthday is tml. its kinda become a day thats not worth looking forward too anymore. probably life's become too mundane alrdy. nothing to look forward to. anyway, its just a few minutes to my birthday. i dunno what to write anymore. wonder will someone be kind enough to msg me from overseas. hahaha..

happy birthday to myself.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now? you know what, i seriously feel that pw is a complete waste of time. although my group is producing desired outcomes but its really wasting a lot of time. for instance today, went form 1 - 4 doing nothing at all sia. seriously, i see why is it so important. and like its only my school thats rushing to complete everything. anyway, lets look on the brighter side of things. i think i stand a high chance of getting the goh commander position. haha. i really hope i can get it. its really a once in a lifetime thing. whats more, i've been talking about it like forever.
well, hols are here liao. but i think im not really gonna enjoy it. my birthday is supposingly coming up soon. but its gonna be the same story as last year again. sian. not that im going to have training on that day, its something else. but anyway, everything goes on as usual. usually boring and mundane. realise i have a talent in writing this sort of crap, which will help my gp essay very much. yeah! kill two birds with one stone again. thats my china studies teacher's favourite quote. speaking of which tml got his class. hope i really can do the essay questions for cse sia. other subjects im not so worried but cse i am. what can i do sia. no facts to write about mah. tml gotta wake up effing early. shit.

just one more day with you. hearing your voice it sounds so sweet.

The Time of My Life
David Cook

I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn

And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart

So I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

And I’m out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I’m keeping my feet on the ground
My arms open wide
My face to the sun

I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
This is the time
This is the time of my life.
This is the time of my life.

i really dunno what the hell am i doing nowadays. the things i do is just foolish. i dunno why i know what im doing is not right, but yet i continue proceeding in doing so. the feeling just sucks. i cant seem to find an explanation for the foolish things i have been doing. i just want to stop it. its really super idiotic and i have hurt people's trust in me through such acts. this must come to a stop. but how? i wonder. anyway, today has been a damn f up day so far. nothing seems to be right. everything i do is wrong. the most ridiculous thing is, i know is wrong yet i carry on doing it. theres this inexplicable fear i have in me. i need peace. lots and lots of peace. there's just too much for a person to handle in jc. whether is it coping with studies or cca. sometimes, the government is just being a fussy little spoilt brat always making us do this and do that. they treat us more like robots than actual human beings. shit sia. i dun want to screw up anymore things. now all i can do is, take a deep breath and continue with life. im just tired. very very tired. and my mind is still preoccupied cause its hurts to see someone dear struggling and yet you cant do anything.

All for One, All for Love
Bryan Adams

When it's love you give
(I'll be a man of good faith. )
then in love you live.
I'll make a stand. I won't break.
I'll be the rock you can build on,
be there when you're old,
to have and to hold.
When there's love inside
I swear I'll always be strong.
then there's a reason why.
I'll prove to you we belong.
I'll be the wal that protects you
from the wind and the rain,
from the hurt and pain.

Let's make it all for one and all for love.
Let the one you hold be the one you want,
the one you need,
'cause when it's all for onee it's one for all.
When there's someone that should know
then just let your feelings show
and make it all for one and all for love.

When it's love you make
I'll be the fire in your night.
then it's love you take.
I will defend, I will fight.
I'll be there when you need me.
When honor's at stake,
this vow I will make:

that it's all for one and all for love.
Let the one be the one you want,
the one you need,
'cause when it's all for one it's one for all.
When there's someone that should know
then just let your feelings show
and make it all for one and all for love.

Don't lay our love to rest
'cause we could stand up to you test.
We got everything and more than we had planned,
more than the rivers that run the land.
We've got it all in our hands.

Now it's all for one and all for love.
It's all for love.
Let the one you hold be the one you want,
the one you need,
'cause when it's all for one it's one for all.
It's one for all.
When there's someone that should know
then just let your feelings show.
When there's someone that you want,
when there's someone that you need
let's make it all, all for one and all for love. tml is the final countdown to one of the most important events in my life. tml is chem SPA. which is 1/6 of of 24% of my entire chemistry A levels. well, i hope im prepared sia. i think i am. i hope i am. cant believe that i suddenly feel that i can do SPA. few weeks ago i was still oblivious to all my stoichiometry. and now, i can do it. unbelievable. but then, i really hope i can do well for that. SYFOC is coming up. im getting kinda of nervous of what to expect there sia. i hope i can get to be something i want in the parade. dont really have anything to blog about. failing everything in school. so all i can hope for is i do well for SPA.

commitment are not those who serve with recognition
commitment are those who serve even without recognition today went out to do PW. think thats like the easiest thing to pass but at the same time the most irritating subject of all. so troublesome sia. but at least we managed to complete out GPP. or at least most of it. guess what, i met my cousin at the library studying. lol. she's damn hardworking. if only i were half as hardworking as her. then after finishing the stuff, went to jurong entertainment centre. there i met my second uncle and family. its like so coincidence la. haha. but today morning was seriously a waste of time. went to see the doctor to get mc. sekali wait so long in the end still must go see specialist. kena sai sia. anyway, nothing much for the rest of the day. told you life nowadays is damn sian.

when you smile, nothing in this world seems to matter anymore
when you are down and i didnt say anything, its not i dun want to cheer you up, its that i dunno how.
when i asked you something, im not trying to be a busybody, im just worried.

Tongue Tied by Faber Drive
"Bright, cold silver moon. Tonight alone in my room.
You were here just yesterday.
Slight turn of the head, eyes fell when you said,
I guess I need my life to change.
Seems like something's just not the same.
What could I say?

I'll need a little more luck than a little bit,
cause everytime I get stuck, the words won't fit.
And everytime that I try I get tongue tied,
I need a little good luck to get me by.
I need a little more help than a little bit.
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet.
Cause everytime that I try to get tongue tied,
I need a little good luck to get me by this time.

I stare up at the stars,
I wonder just where you are,
you feel a million miles away. (I wonder just where you are).
Was it something I said, or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way? (Was it something I did).
Can someone tell me what to say, to just make you stay?

I'll need a little more luck than a little bit,
cause everytime I get stuck, the words won't fit.
And everytime that I try I get tongue tied,
I need a little good luck to get me by.
I need a little more help than a little bit.
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet.
Cause everytime that I try I get tongue tied,
I need a little good luck to get me by this time.

I know it feels like again,
don't want to be here again.
And we could help each other off the ground, so we never fall down again.
And what it takes I don't care, we're gonna make it I swear.
And we could help each other off the ground, so we never fall down again, again.

I need a little more luck than a little bit,
cause every time I get stuck, the words won't fit.
But everytime that I try I get tongue tied,
I need a little good luck to get me by.
I need a little more help, than a little bit.
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet.
Cause everytime that I try to get tongue tied,
I need a little good luck to get me by this time.

I know it feels like again,
don't want to be here again.
And we could help each other off the ground, so we never fall down again.
And what it takes I don't care, we're gonna make it I swear.
And we could help each other off the ground, so we never fall down again today was yet another sian day for me(everyday is sian la honestly) something struck me today at assembly. the teacher said something about being dehumanised and living everyday just for the sake of it. you know what, thats entirely how im living now. i think i really dun live like a human anymore. i live everyday waiting for the next to arrive. theres seems to be nothing in life to look forward to. all im doing now is nothing but work. focusing only on the A levels next year. and yet, the school said they will be trying to help us to not fall into that "trap". but guess, they are a little too late. im already dehumanised. im no longer alive. im like the living dead. what can i do? i do not know. perhaps the answer has always been right in front of me. perhaps. i go to school everyday for the sake of passing the entire day?! i dun used to feel like this. im no longer the person that everyone used to know. have i changed or have YOU changed? am i different or are YOU different. dun judge others the way you dun want them to judge you. people out there! this means use your super high RAM thing in your head to process everything before doing anything stupid. you get it?! the very thing you think is funny might just hurt the person you are referring to. have a heart(and a brain), dun do such stupid things again. treasure the person thats right in front of you. the one that goes to school with you, the one that helps you with your work, the one that sacrifices himself for you. dun take for granted. God put that person in your life for a reason. dun regret when the person leaves you for it will be too late.

im supposed to feel relieved after all that you know. but yet i feel the same. perhaps im really dehumanised.

knowledge is power, but sometimes knowing too much might just kill you softly. i finally come to an understanding whereby some things are just better of not known. some things once you find out, you feel so bad you feel so bad you just want to die. why die when you can live? some people ironically would just die to let some one dear to live. why am i saying this? i recently realise that the people around me have changed. i no longer can talk to them like i used to. perhaps because now we dont see each other that often or something. but now friends have become acquaintances. its like a hi-bye relationship with them now. i really dunno why, and people say you meet life long friends in secondary school. im sad to say, if thats so, we'll never meet friends we will know for life. wonder why people would just like to keep things to themselves and just emo at one corner. think thats just the culture nowadays. yet again, i think about it, sad to say i kinda do that to sometimes. well, lets not dwell too much on that. lest, i get more emo as well.

my exam timetable are out, my syfoc timetable is out too. guess what, they clash. wtf. i really really really want to participate in the syfoc parade. its once every 2 yrs leh. somemore i really want to achieve something in npcc before i leave. and thats my only chance to do it cause i can try out for the GOH commander. i want to get that position so much. really so much. so what am i to do. i would really sacrifice my MYE for it sia. i know its not right. but then, teacher said as long can get letter from HQ, should be alright for me to sit at a later date.

ok, it's kinda of late. like now is 1am in the morning. cant sleep leh. dunno why.

i just realised something, now i live every day waiting for the next one to arrive. life seems meaningless.

goodbye apathy. suddenly felt like blogging. i dunno why. but then my blog is kinda of dead so i have all the privacy i can have. hehe. schools been as usual. like what weeling said before, so far so suck. haha. yea, i really think being in school is like no life. sometimes i feel so dead in school. all i want to is to go npcc so much. i miss npcc so much. miss all the teachings, scoldings, parades and so on so for. see! npcc is so much fun. cant understand why some people just dont know how to appreciate it. talking about npcc, the syfoc is coming up. guess what the parade clashes with my exams, haiz, sian. i really want to join it so much. been talking about even before i become a ci. :(
today, was a resting day for me. slept the entire day. but yet, i didnt sleep enough yet. i simply cant get enough of sleep sia. i seem to have a sleeping disorder.
i shall stop here now. got a call. see ya(whoever is out there)

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