i think i finally know the meaning of waking up on the wrong side of my bed. these fews days has been quite bad. i never felt like this before. everything seems to be wrong. and its not supposed to happen this way. i feel so isolated. sometimes i wonder if reality is as what i know it should be. i cant understand why everybody must hide things from me. all i ask for is transparency. is that so hard to get? maybe i admit i dont really talk of about certain things. but yet, people are hiding so much that im oblivious of what i ought to know. it ain't fair to me. i believe that some things that concern me, i have the right to know. whether if you hate me, detest me or whatever that is, i can know. so will everybody in this bloody world stop hiding the truth from me. then when i say this, people will come and compare. saying that even in the political world there are things hidden from the people. i say, fuck you. you dunno shit about the political world. cause, even i dunno much about that. i need the truth badly. i dun ever want to linger anymore. its too taxing.

i went sleep hoping to forget everything. but yet the truth never fails to come back to haunt me. sometimes i wonder why my mum can be quite insensitive at times. for example, this morning i was so tired that until 11 plus i was still in bed. yet she comes to call me to wake up and go malaysia. my entire body was aching like i was in a washing machine the night before. couldnt even get up. so i told her i dun want to go. and then, she gave me attitude. i really dun want to quarrel with her, so i just shut up and sit and read my newspaper. haiz. i dunno why she is like that. so she didnt give me money and i had to make do with what i have for my meals. i'm really sick of this.

anyway, saw something again today. shit, im starting to really detest that fellow. to make things worst i hated him ever since i saw him. for no reason whatsoever.

it's difficult to get to what i am, but its even worst being at what i am.
CI, CI wake up please. your cadets need you.

i feel like im walking on a thin thread, i cant breathe properly anymore. well, in one word to describe my day today. crap. everything went bad, real bad. in fact, i hated today and i wished it never will happen again. well, first thing today, i was nearly late for school. the bloody bus was freaking full and all just went past me. i dunno which moron would actually put 6 schools in the same area. that really shows how smart our government is. i admit i left late today, but then to have every bus filled up is just atrocious. sometimes, i just want to go up to the parliament house and scream at those idiots. next thing was during gp class i kena shoot like siao. but then i was really freaking damn tired la. dun have enough sleep recently, but i was really trying my best to pay attention. some things i didnt take down cause i didnt think it was necessary. for goodness sake, the person beside me didnt take down either! haiz, i really hope that would not happen again. next, math class, i have to say that some people really never think through what they say and just blabber nonsense out. they are so insensitive of the things around them and they think people would not mind. problem they DO. thats the problem with most girls in my class. we guys do so much to compromise them and yet they talk without using their brains. i'm really very tired and tml's gonna be yet another long day. got oath taking in the afternoon and cca gathering at night. die. i need sleep, badly i suspected that i would be real careless today and guess what? i was.. shit. not going to elaborate what exactly happened but just feel like killing myself now. i feel damn bad now. nvm.. next year will be a even better one. i promise you. very tired now.. goodnight. woke up today in shock thinking it was 13th march.. think smth crossed my mind and i was like SHIT! fortunately, my phone was beside me and i realised the real date. worst still, i had this damn weird dream that i was back in qtss and the school was invaded by some weird creatures that will only repel pure gold. after i woke up(fully). i felt like wtf was that dream. its been a real funny day today like for instance, i cooked instant noodles and there were two packets of soup base inside. i was feeling that im going to be lucky. hope i will be. especially tml. got a lot of things that are going to happen. hope nothing screws up for i will kill anyone who sabotaged including myself. wahahahaha. 1 hr more. to what? for me to know, for you to find out. that FYI, is the CIs islandwide, favourite slogan or whatever you want to call it. im bored. suddenly just feel so. dunno why also. need to find something to do but definitely not homework. dun understand a shit abt the work that is assigned to me at all.. die... how am i going to do my As next yr. and worst still, my A level chi is in may and i cant understand a single thing... ahhhhhh.. someone help me!!!.. ok stop here now. need to relax a bit now.. just fell out with my cell leader. so can someone tell me what on earth is Christianity about. isnt it about a relationship between us and this great man who died for us so that we could be forgiven? i really start to wonder now. maybe what someone told me before is kinda real. im not skeptic about my beliefs just that something seems to be missing. like a piece of a puzzle that is gone. even no matter how much you try to cover the gap up, there will still be a difference from the original. i think for my case, its more that i dont believe in what the church believes in doing. maybe the church im going now is not right for me. maybe i dont believe in being a charismatic christian. i really dunno. i do believe in God. its just that i dun believe in the way the church thinks is the correct way. haiz i really dunno. and i really dun feel like pondering over it at this point in time.

her birthday is coming up and shit i dun really know what to get her. die.......

tml got extra trng and now i got super stomachache. hope it recovers by tml. just realised something unpleasant and i couldnt help but feel a bit disappointed. well, i cant stop anything from happening. so if i dun belong here and people do not want to accept then all i can say that. too bad. cause all i want is to do my part. if i dun have a chance to do so, then dun say im not doing anything at the end of the day cause you did not tell or inform me anything. im not gonna give a fuck anymore cause i had enough. just forget it ok? im not welcomed then so be it. think i will maybe just concentrate more on my studies now, i feel im a bit suffocated by it cause everythings so new. but then anyway, who cares?

i'm so sick of this nonsense? you too right? so let's end with a happy song..:)

Nine in the Afternoon
Panic At The disco

Back to the street where we began
Feeling as good as lovers can, you know
Yeah we're feeling so good

Pickin’ up things we shouldn’t read
It looks like the end of history as we know
It’s just the end of the world

Back to the street where we began
Feeling as good as love, you could, you can

Into a place where thoughts can bloom
Into a room where it's nine in the afternoon
And we know that it could be
And we know that it should
And you know that you feel it too
'Cause it's nine in the afternoon

And your eyes are the size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good
just the way that we do
When it's nine in the afternoon

Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good

Back to the street
Down to our feet
Losing the feeling of feeling unique
Do you know what I mean?

Back to the place
Where we used to say
Man it feels good to feel this way
Now I know what I mean

Back to the street, back to the place,
Back to the room where it all began, hey
Back to the room where it all began
'Cause it's nine in the afternoon

Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good
Just the way that we do
When it's nine in the afternoon

Your profile here.
Nicholas here. currently a Cadet Inspector serving Queenstown Sec Sch.

Your wishlist here.

Wee Ling Wan Ying

August 2007
September 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008

Blogskin created by Eclair-x. Background found at zainylove's livejournal.

Best viewed in 1026 x 768 pixels screen resolution, Mozilla Firefox.