Wednesday, November 28, 2007 @ 9:55 AM: turning point
broken, anguish, sadness, disappointment. this is all i have to say now. suddenly i just feel like giving up everything i have to complete now and kill myself. seems like i lost my goal in life. no more meaning anymore. why? why am i always like this. everything i do seems only to give me nothing but disappointment. what am i going to go on now. i just lost someone dear. despondent now. wonder how long this will last. its killing me inside. couldn't sleep the whole fucking night. cant stop thinking. thoughts flashing through my mind. im so useless. asshole, jerk, bastard am i, ain't i? i know the whole world hates me. now i feel even God hates me. i hope not. otherwise, i might as well really die. what am i to do next. i never felt so lost before. for the first time i ask, where are the directions?. i am at more than a cross road. i am at a dead end. either i turn back or i die trying. i hate what is not meant to be. i hate everything. moreover i hate myself for loving you. perhaps i should have given up long ago. perhaps i shouldn't have fallen for you. perhaps i shouldn't even come to this school. perhaps i shouldn't have been in NPCC. perhaps like this, i have a much happier life. perhaps, perhaps ,perhaps. fuck it. z
ao zhi jing ri he bi dang chu. wen di shi, wo gen ben dou bu zhi dao zao zhi jing ri shi yi ge zhen mo ying de huan jing. this sucks big time. i feel so numb now. who can i talk to. im all alone at home again. loneliness is killing me. its not physical torture but mental. cause thoughts keep coming. erasing the feelings i have now is mission impossible. why have memories when they are so painful to remember. why think about the future when the present sucks. i dun even dare think about the future. some people get everything in the world, and i? I GET NOTHING AT ALL. lets just hope the Mayans are right and that the world will just stop at 2012. finally then, i can see the messiah. enjoy the riches of heaven and never ever have to worry as this word no longer exist. dreams keep me alive but yet they are the ones killing me now. ironic the world is. sadly, theres nothing we can do about it. i know its not the end of the world to everyone. but it is to me. anyway, nobody cares isnt it? so might as well i go and die then the world would be a better place for the people around me. let this asshole get what he deserves. bet whoever hates me, which is almost everyone, who reads this must be laughing their asses out now. yes! you, the one who hates me to the core, i screwed up. HAPPY NOW?! LAUGH THEN YOU BLOODY MOTHERFUCKER. LAUGH ALL YOU WANT.
oh, let time tick my life away second by second cause i lost my purpose
so come on, tell me.